Dear Son…

Posted: March 7, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

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Dear son,
I snuck into your room last night.  I rested my chin on your crib and just watched you sleep.  For a while, I stood, watching you breathe and seeing you stretch into oddly comfortable positions.  “Thank You Lord for my little boy” I whispered as I touched your face with the back of my hand ever so gently as to not wake you.  My dearest son I crept out of your room trying to not make a sound above a whisper as to not disturb your dreams.

I woke up this morning to your laughter.  Oh, how I love that sound!  I walked into your room and your beautiful brown eyes were glaring at me, smiling.  The “terrible” two’s kind of day we had yesterday was long out the window and my heart melted into your smile all over again.  How is it possible to love you so much and fall in love with you every day?  Sometimes I don’t understand the love that I have for you.   This love turns my fear into fight.  It turns my timidness into boldness and my doubt into confidence.  I can tell you that I love you with all my heart but somehow that description just doesn’t do my emotion justice.  I would walk through fire for you.  I would take a bullet for you.  I would… whatever needed to be done to ensure your safety… for you.

My dearest boy, I watch the news.  I watch it and fear for your safety as you grow up.  What a different world we live in!  During my childhood, guns and knives at school were “boys being boys” followed by a swift kick in the tail and life would return to normal.  Today, it means destruction and death.  What happens when you get ready to go to school?  Mama bear cannot come running when life takes a turn when you will be so far away.  All I can say is “Thank You Jesus for the blood!”  There are rumors of wars all around us.  Life is getting more unstable yet here I am, watching you dream of puppy dogs, rocket ships and pirates.  My love wants to give you ALL of that…and more.

I wish I could tell you that life will be all rainbows and butterflies.  I wish I could say that things will always stay on the right side of the world.  Things won’t go wrong.  Life won’t be turned upside down… I wish… but hardships will come.  The good thing about hardships is that just as quickly as they came, they will go.  Please don’t ever feel like your world is crashing down upon you.  As soon as you feel it is no longer bearable, it will turn right side up and life will begin again.  Don’t give up dear boy.  Keep fighting.  Keep pressing your way through the darkness.  You will find the light.

The light… Light is becoming a rarity.  Where once life was engulfed with the things of God, now it’s just an afterthought to the very existence He created.  When life is crazy, God is constant.  When life is upside down, God is right side up.  When life is dark, God is light.  Remember pressurized coal is just a diamond in the rough.  God gave you a light to shine so shine on baby boy.  Shine it for all to see.  In the darkness, shine your light.  I named you Gabriel Kai for a reason… It means “messenger of fire”… God told me that you were like Jeremiah, a fire shut up in your bones… Walk in your destiny honey.  Prophesy to the nations.  Go against the norm and follow God through the whirlwind.  He will see you through.

I will try to be that Godly example you need.  I know daddy is not here right now.  At this point in your life, you don’t notice but one day you will.  Will he come back? I can’t answer that my baby boy but know that momma will never leave your side.  I think about all the things I cannot provide for you.  I cannot give you the world simply because I do not have the funds to achieve such a purchase but sweetie, I can give you MY world.   You have all my attention, all my love and all my support.  Everything you set your sights to accomplish, momma will be behind you cheering you on.  Consider me your own personal cheerleader for life!   You can and will achieve all that you desire if you just keep your eyes on Jesus.

Jesus… You haven’t met Him formally yet but you will… Oddly enough, you already know Him… He was the One whispering to you while you were in momma’s tummy.  He’s the One who kept you company for those 9 months of solitude.  He was there when you were born and will be there when you are born again.  He loves you sweetie, even more than momma does.

Baby, momma messes up.  I’m new to this parenting thing so I’m going to make mistakes down the road.  I’m going to do something when I shouldn’t and not to something when I should.  I’m sorry in advance for the mistakes that will come but know that you were never a mistake.  Don’t ever think that you are less than anyone else because not only in my eyes, but in Jesus’ eyes, you are a masterpiece.  You are awesome with a capital A!  You are a SUPERhero!  You are special to many and loved by even more.  When God created you, He created you flawless so be yourself!  You only have one set of shoes to fill: Yours.  Don’t imitate those around but be who you were born to be:  Gabriel Kai.  I love you baby boy!

With all the love my heart possesses,
Mommy

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Comments
  1. Lori says:

    So very precious. They really are so amazing to watch when they are sleeping especially after a tough day…their innocence and vulnerability shine through. Thank you for sharing this beautiful letter with us. Some day he will treasure having this. 🙂

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