Fight or Flight?

Posted: February 21, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

running-away

Ever wanted to just run away?  Yeah, me too.  Life gets a little crazy and my first thought is, “Where can I go to get away from all this mess?”   As I took my son to his destination this morning, I was thinking about my crazy life and the turn it’s going to take very soon.  Filled with anxiousness and fear, I just kept looking at the road before me, thinking “where do I go from here Lord?”

You see, I consider myself to be a woman of faith.  Am I perfect? No.  My flaws seem to be endless at times.  When I compare myself to who I think is “holy” here on earth, well, let’s just say I have the short end of the stick.  With that being said, I am thankful that I serve a God who doesn’t look at my works but at my heart.  Sometimes my works are wicked and sometimes my faith is short-lived but my heart…. it’s the one constant in my humanness.  My heart has and will always beat for the One who created it.

So let’s get back on track… I guess I forgot to tell you what it is that I am so anxious about.  My husband is coming up for parole.  Actually his eligibility date was 2/5 so any day now he’ll know the exact date he’s getting of prison and coming back to Texarkana.  Every morning I get up and look on a particular website to find out information that I am dreading to know.  At this juncture I must tell you, I’m not scared OF him.  I’m scared of OUR relationship.   He chose the world…again… and left us out in the cold.  Do I blame him?  No because he is bound up by the devil.

From deep within my core, I’m anxious and nervous because he is an unknown variable in my life – something I cannot predict.   Will he try to be in Gabriel’s life?  If so, how long will it last?  Will he try to be back in my life?  If so, how long will it last?  Will I go back?  If so, how long will I last?  Or will he just simply ignore our existence?  …  But can I be real with you? I want all of the above and at the same time I don’t want any of it.   I can’t negate the fact that my heart still loves him but my head tells me to run as far away as possible.  I realize all this might sound confusing to you but I’m not confused at all… just really torn between decisions.  Honestly?  My fear is that he won’t want anything to do with me.  Sad?  Yes, I know.    My ultimate prayer is, “Lord, touch his heart so he can be who You’ve called him to be… so maybe we can be a family again..”

So this dilemma leaves me at a crossroads.  I want to move – to get out of dodge before he comes back.  Why?  Because I’m not in control once he moves back.  (Please refer to my post last week.)   My fight turns to flight because I feel as though I cannot deal with him.   I’m weak where he is concerned.  Real talk.

Ok, I’m done chasing that rabbit so let’s get back in the car.  I dropped off my son at his grandmother’s house and set out for my morning class.  Still perplexed by my emotions, I began to look at that particular website, fearing what I might find.   As I clicked “Search”, I heard a sweet, small voice boom in my ear saying:

Where could I go from Your Spirit? Or where could I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend up into heaven, 
You are there; if I make my bed in Sheol (the place of the dead),
behold, You are there.  If I take the wings 
of the morning or dwell in the uttermost parts of the
sea, Even there shall Your hand lead me, 
and Your right hand shall hold me.
(Psalm 139:7-10 AMP)

Isn’t it nice that God knows exactly what we need when we need it? He reminded me of the verse I had forgotten.   As I try to flee the problems of my world, I cannot flee the One who holds my world in His hands.  The fact will always remain that no matter where I try to go, God’s presence will always be existent.   When I am at the highest of highs and life is wonderful, God is there.  When I feel like my world is crashing down and death is all around me, He is there.  When I awake with the freshness of the morning and feel like I am soaring on an eagle’s wing, God is there.  Even when I feel like I am drowning in a sea of doubt, confusion, heartache and hardship, HE IS THERE.  (Do you see what happened?  The problems stopped being my focus.)

After a sigh of relief, I thought, “Ok Lord, I hear you” but He wasn’t done…He asked me a very important question.  “Can you trust me through the mess Shannon?   I told you that I would lead you and hold you up.  Trust me.  I DO know what’s best!”

Ok Lord, I trust you…

Are you struggling with life?  Do you have more problems than answers?  Is your fight beginning to flee?  I want to speak one word into your life if I may… STOP!  Just stop and breathe… Realize the revelation that NO MATTER WHAT, God’s got you.  There is nowhere you can go that the presence of God cannot reach.  His hand is there to keep you from drowning.  Don’t flee the moment but fight for what you know to be true…  This world and everything in it will pass away but God’s presence will always remain.

presence_of_god

#SharingHisPeace

Advertisements
Comments
  1. Lori says:

    Oh my goodness! I have so many thoughts and feelings as I read this but most of all I just want to give you a giant hug. I can only imagine how you are feeling. What perfect words for God to give you in your time of need. I love this reminder for my own life and what we are going through. It really does change things when we live and act as if we know and believe that He is there no matter where we go. I am going to write down this verse as a reminder to myself.

    You have such a beautiful heart and love that you are so honest about your life, marriage and faith. My daughters significant “other” and father of her 2 children is in prison. Through this process he has found Jesus. He will be getting out this coming August and they are planning on getting married. I have mixed feelings because I don’t want to see her get hurt and I worry because all that she has gone through with him. But these verses remind me that they are in God’s hands.

    Thank you for sharing you life with me. I feel very blessed to read your posts! God bless you and keep you!

    • First off, thank you SO much for your wonderful comment. You bless me so much! What we go through is not for us but for those behind us and that is my prayer: Let my life help someone else. Transparency is not easy but is necessary for my freedom.

      Praise God Lori that he has found Jesus. I’m so happy for your daughter because I know how it feels to be on the other side of the bars (the “free” side). Yes you are right, God has them. Just like He has you. And me. I’m SO thankful for His presence and it’s intoxicating affects on our lives. I will definitely be praying for your family. Please tell them to keep God #1 and everything else is “workable.” ~God bless sweetie!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s