Bleeding Love

Posted: February 11, 2013 in Uncategorized
(Wow, I’m tearing up just thinking about this particular blog.  This is definitely a hard one and I haven’t even wrote it yet.  If you are reading it, stop for a second and say, “thank You Jesus”…  I know it might sound a little silly, but this is my soul showing it’s vulnerability – for the glory of God.)

This week marks a significant day for most people… Valentine’s Day.  For those of us who are married, it is a day in which you honor your spouse by treating them extra special.  For those of us who have children, it is a day where we have prepared lots of little Valentine cards for classmates and for those of us who are single, it triggers loneliness, pain and solitude.

Here’s the beautiful nightmare of that last paragraph:  I fit into all three categories.   I am married.  I have a child.  I am single.  You ask, Shannon, how in the world can you be married and be single at the same time?  It’s not all that hard, just fall in love with the wrong person.

I have spent all day thinking about how much I still love that “wrong person” and how much I still think he’s my soul mate.  Sad huh?  Yeah, I know but it’s there nonetheless.  I have tried to stay away from singers like Adele and will definitely NOT watch a romantic movie this week although there will be plenty of them to choose from no doubt.  Even today, I am trying to mask the pain of my heart and it’s ability to bleed love this week.  My heart hurts a lot for my failed marriage.  It takes two to tango so it’s not all his fault or all mine but somewhere in the middle, the fault lies.  I’m okay with that.

I’m okay with the fact that I’m a single mom with a married status.  I’m okay with the fact that I cook dinner for two instead of for three.  I’m okay with the fact that when I go to bed tonight, no one will be there to warm the sheets for me.  And yet for all the reasons listed above, I’m not okay.  ..whew…

Jesus bled love.  When he prayed, he bled love.  When He was whipped, He bled love.  When He hung, He most definitely bled love.  My heart, in all it’s carnality and humanness, hurts for one man.  How much more did Jesus’ heart hurt for all of mankind?

I can honestly say, I hate this particular photo.  Not because it’s a gruesome picture because let’s face it, society has dulled our senses to blood/gore but it’s because I don’t see a King, just a Sacrifice.  I look at this one picture of Jesus hanging on the cross and all I can see is my sin in the form of the rips in His skin and the nails in His hands.  I see His pain and feel my guilt.

That lie I told a few days ago is that big gash on his right arm.  That sin of lust I committed is that gaping wound on his chest.  Those thorns on His head:  They are evidence of my vile thoughts…  What, you don’t see it?  No you shouldn’t see my sins on Him.  But what about yours?

The Bible says that “YET while we were sinners Christ died for us” (Rom 5:8).  YET while I was telling that lie, Jesus was still enduring the pain of the cat o’ nine tails.  YET while my hands were in devilish things, His hands were being pierced.  YET in my sinning, He was dying.  His love bled for me when I spit in His face with my acts of selfishness, crudeness and perversion.   Did you know He even bled for my downcast heart?

Wow, kind of puts my pain into perspective ya know?

Feeling lonely this Valentine’s week?  I want to encourage you to focus not on worldly things but on a Savior who came down to bleed His love out for you.  He wanted you to know that He is head over heels, madly in love with you.  He calls you His beloved or cherished one.  You are near to His heart, in fact…you have His heart.  Did you know that the King of all creation admires you?  You are the apple of His eye, His treasure, His masterpiece.  You are someone worth dying for!

#SharingHisPeace

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Comments
  1. Lori says:

    Such a good post that touches on a lot. I have been in the position of being married but single, misserably married, a single parent and alone and now married. I have loved or been in loved with a lot of wrong people. Not something I am proud of but it is my past and I am grateful for the lessons I learned beause of it. I’ve had some really tough holidays and valentines day being one of them…I remember finding a book called “I hate valentines day” at Target one year. I stood their reading it, laughing and crying and finally bought it. I have borrowed this book to more people than any other book. Now that I am married to a man that treats me special often Valentines day doesn’t really mean much to me or him. We make it speial with our little’s because it’s important to them. I specifically ask him to not buy me over priced flowers or chocolates or any of this other junk I don’t need. I think there is way too much pressure to make this day something more than what is should be.

    Going through all of the things I’ve been through my perspetive on Valentines day has changed. I look at Valentines day as celebrating love in all it’s forms…starting with Jesus’ love for us as you talk about in this post which is the greatest love we could ever know, to the love for my family, the special love my hubby and I have for each other, the love for the least of these, love of great girlfriends and love for the people in our lives.

    I do know the pain you write about and I love that you have Jesus to help you through this time in your life. I hope that some day the sting of this day will no longer be there. Regardless, I wish you and your little guy a Happy Valentines day…a happy day of loving all the people God has put into your life! XXOO

    • Your comments are always so uplifting and encouraging. Thank you for the hope you bring! God is so good! He knows what you need when you need it and that book, no doubt, was your “knight in shining armor.” I’m so glad you found the man God had for you. Is my marriage a lost cause? I still have no idea but just trying to allow the Lord to lead me as I haven’t talked to my husband in over 6 months due to him being in jail. Thank you again for your faithfulness to God and your encouragement on my blogs. ~God bless!

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